by Ramgiri (www.skillsforawakening.com)
Satsang, the Buddha said, is the most important component of spiritual life. Just how true this is I found out during this years guru purnima celebration at the Hanuman Temple in Taos.
After we steeped for hours in the Mahamantra, I was asked to share an experience with Maharajji from ‘the old days.’ I spoke of the first time he showed himself to me. It was 1971. I was in Amsterdam and had found one of the first copies of Be Here Now that made it across the Atlantic to Europe. I looked at Baba’s pictures and read Ram Dass’ story and something in me became completely electrified. But it wasn’t about the old man in the blanket! It was the recognition that somewhere in far-away India existed a group of people who shared among them this absolutely exalted love. This thrilled me to no end and I was drawn relentlessly to Maharajji’s feet.
As I spoke, I looked at you who were listening and I saw the reality of what I was saying: there in front of me was Maharajji in the form of all of you! I saw your faces, but you were he! And I understood: we are the body he now inhabits. He has come to America, as he predicted, and he has come as us. He is the satsang; we live in him. We are the Source of love. He lives in every cell, every breath, every action, every thought. As Kabir said: He is the breath inside the breath.
I’ve never known it so clearly as when I saw you and you were him.
But I have heard it often, “I was not with him, I missed out, I can never have what they had.” This way of thinking is completely untrue. It is based on, “There is something wrong with me, I didn’t deserve it,” or, “I am not worthy of this great love.” Such beliefs are poison. They make us blind.
This perfect love comes to all of us in a perfect way. It does not make mistakes. It prepares in us the soil of longing and comes as the seed of grace, perfectly measured. It is always full. Om Purnamadah Purnamidam… That love is perfect and complete and all that emanates from it is whole. We receive this seed in a perfect way and at the perfect time so it can grow in us until the time to harvest. In the meantime we fertilize and water the field: we love, serve, remember and sing his praises with our voices and actions.
Krishna Das spoke movingly of Maharajji’s “unbearable love.” His words hit home with me and I wondered, how can love be unbearable? Isn’t it unbearable that we continue to make ourselves small? We believe we are limited and our environment supports us in that at every step. But one of the great gifts of satsang is that we remind each other of the greatness of this love in us. We have to break the habit of assuming that our hearts have limits. Again and again, every day we have to find him here.
I sense he calls us to embrace him back in the way he embraces us. This is no small task for sure, but real love has no boundaries and that is the love he gives. If that is true, does it not mean that every atom of our being exists in that love? That we are bathed in that love at all times?
We cannot step away from that love, because it is what we are. We can only pretend to forget as in a daydream. But love embraces even our stepping away a million times until we no longer imagine to be afraid of our heart’s full capacity.
Yes our old habits of fear are still there, but how long will we continue to see them as real? Since he left his body his love now beckons us from within our own heart. We can no longer pretend to be separate. The inner core of our being is the sadguru, the Source of all love. We are the lover and the beloved in one. We are the Source of love.
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