30 Jan 2013
January 30, 2013

Giving Up Old Roles


One of the reasons that old age is so disconcerting to many people is that they feel as if they’re stripped of their roles. As we enter old age and face physical frailty, the departure of children, retirement, and the deaths of loved ones, we see the lights fading, the audience dwindles, and we are overwhelmed by a loss of purpose, and by the fear of not knowing how to behave or where we now fit in this play. The Ego, whose very sustenance has been the roles it played in the public eye, becomes irate, despairing, or numb, in the face of its own obsolescence. It may harken back to roles in its past to assert itself, but these strategies bring only more suffering as the Ego fights a losing battle.

As we learn to distinguish between our Egos — marked by our mind and thoughts — and the witness Soul — who’s not subject to them — we begin to see the opportunity that aging offers. We begin to separate who we are from the roles that we play, and to recognize why the Ego clings as it does to behaviors and images that no longer suit us. Stripped of its roles, the Ego is revealed as fiction. But for the person without a spiritual context, this is pure tragedy, for seekers of truth who are aware of the Soul, it is only the beginning.

Rather than wonder what new “role” we can invent for ourselves in the world then, the question that concerns us might be better put this way: How can we, as aging people, make our wisdom felt in the world? By embodying wisdom. We can find a happy balance between participation and retreat, remembering that while it is our duty to be of service if possible, it is also important that we prepare for our own journeys into death, through contemplation, quiet time, and deepening knowledge of ourselves.


— Ram Dass

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  • David H.

    Beautiful thoughts from a beautiful human being. I’m one generation removed from the sixties generation and I only came to know your wisdom and inspiration recently, Ram Dass. Thank you for your service to the world born out of a passion for truth, compassion and love.

  • http://elizabethlerer.com Elizabeth Lerer

    Cheers to the continuing journey…..

  • Nima Soni

    Dear Ram Dass. I hope I will learn to “stop inventing roles” when I get older. Sometimes my parents drive me mad when they interfere, judge and gossip about my life to others. But then I think about my teens and how they must see me in the same way I see my parents. I hope when it comes to it, I will be able to remember that I already have unconditional love for my parents and my children ( and they for me.) I just get worried, upset and afraid when I forget that. I hope, when it comes to it, I will have the tolerance and understanding for my parents and for my children.

  • flora68

    When I read this article, I thought, “Man, do I ever GET this!”

    When I was younger, able-bodied and clear-headed, I was able to help others as a volunteer. It was a big part of my identity for decades, but now as an aged MS patient, I’m no practical use to ANYONE. In fact, I’m the one who needs help. It’s certainly a humbling experience, losing your usefulness, which is actually good in some ways, but not so great in others….

  • Adelia Sylvia Penna Ramos

    Ram Dass, I love you and I love Emmanuel!