Ram Dass wrote a letter some years ago to a family who had lost their young daughter, Rachel. Although he wrote it to these two parents specifically, everything in this letter applies to anyone who has lost a child.
Dear Steve and Anita,
Rachel finished her work on earth, and left the stage in a manner that leaves those of us left behind with a cry of agony in our hearts, as the fragile thread of our faith is dealt with so violently. Is anyone strong enough to stay conscious through such teaching as you are receiving? Probably very few. And even they would only have a whisper of equanimity and peace amidst the screaming trumpets of their rage, grief, horror and desolation.
I can't assuage your pain with any words, nor should I.
For your pain is Rachel's legacy to you. Not that she or I would inflict such pain by choice, but there it is. And it must burn its purifying way to completion. For something in you dies when you bear the unbearable, and it is only in that dark night of the soul that you are prepared to see as God sees, and to love as God loves.
Now is the time to let your grief find expression. No false strength. Now is the time to sit quietly and speak to Rachel, and thank her for being with you these few years, and encourage her to go on with whatever her work is, knowing that you will grow in compassion and wisdom from this experience. In my heart, I know that you and she will meet again and again, and recognize the many ways in which you have known each other. And when you meet you will know, in a flash, what now it is not given to you to know: Why this had to be the way it was.
Our rational minds can never understand what has happened, but our hearts – if we can keep them open to God – will find their own intuitive way. Rachel came through you to do her work on earth, which includes her manner of death. Now her soul is free, and the love that you can share with her is invulnerable to the winds of changing time and space.
In that deep love,
include me.
In love,
Ram Dass
So exquisitely real, painful, glorious, this life, this death. Our hearts do find the way, even when our minds cannot. Any loss of a child is to be shared with all. Thank you.
I lost my son in 09, it was a life changer. I’m still healing and this helped very much. Thank you Ram Dass!
This is the most beautiful heartfelt letter I have ever read. In a virtual minefield of wrong things to say, this letter eloquently says everything I can imagine wanting to hear if I were in this position. Ram Dass forges a path of light in the darkness of grief. I am so grateful that this letter is printed for all to read and reference.
Roxanna, indeed there is a minefield of wrong things to say. Thankfully there is good solid ground as well, and we can trust that our weary feet find it as we move forward in love. The only thing that I know for sure is that love is where I want to live.
My son Jimmy decide to leave earth November 2011. This letter has helped me process, and I have shared this letter with many—those who come to me with heavy hearts from their love one’s passing. In gratitude, Marianne Wells
Incredible letter! After my son’s death the grief was so intense I can’t remember the entire year after he died. But I found my strength in acknowledging he would want me to live the best life I could in his memory. Plus, your book “Be Here Now” was a book he requested a week before his passing. I recall his conversation with his father explaining the concept of the book. He was my teacher and I thank God I was able to express that to him before his body made the transition. Thank you for sharing!
I lost my beloved son, Kevin, in August 2007. His absence leaves a gap so wide and so dark, I do not know how I will survive without him. Reading Ram Dass’ letter to Rachel makes a tiny impression on the grief that has become my everyday mantra…..please, Kevin, be at peace wherever you are. Please know that I love you forever.
Six months after you invited my son Andrew to Maui and you welcomed him, called him by name to the table, (never having met you!) my son, battling addiction and Marfan syndrome, passed away.
After he met you, there was a new light in him. You had been his hero for many of his 26 years.
I asked how you knew his name, and his answer was that you are pure love.
I believe you gave him permission to be free. He suffered here and was such a beautiful, gentle soul. Life was just too harsh for his gentle ways.
Until I found this letter, my heart was filled with grief. It still is, and always will be, but this letter has brought me so much peace. Thank you. I am now able to enjoy Andrew and thank him and feel blessed having had him in my life.
Thank you, Ram Das!
Jennie Logsdon Martin
http://Www.ifish.net
As a bereaved mother, these words are so true and affirming. Thank you Ram Dass.
Thank you for this letter, and I’m thankfull for having remembered it. This morning I lost my son, one hour and ten minutes shy of him becoming one week old. Having been born prematurely in another country I never had the chance to see him or to hold him. Knowing full well the incarnation which this time took the shape of my son is doing just fine elsewhere, I still find myself in the darkest of nights and the fires of pain surely burning fiercly. I find great comfort in this letter. And I want to say thanks and all the love.
I share what the passing Dr. Wayne W. Dyer said during his lecture on “Inspiration” after he had read Ram Dass’ Letter to Rachel: “writing cannot get any better!”
I still have a copy of this letter that Steve and Anita gave us when we lost the kids… <3 <3
With every read the power of these words does diminish, but grows stronger. It cannot be read without tears and through that waterfall comes strength. How many souls have been saved by these words…..Many.
does not diminish.
I found out today that my nephew passed away tragically yesterday at age 29. I am so very grateful to have these profound words of deep compassion and true spiritual understanding to share through the tears with my brother.
Storm King
Storm, I am so so sorry for your sudden and tragic loss. We will be holding you and your nephew and brother in our hearts in the coming days and weeks. We love you! – Rachael & the LSRF Team
I read and reread this letter over and over again. On August 21, 2021, my 9-year-old son passed away and I feel like dying a little every day. But this letter and other RD podcasts are a balm to my soul. I hope someday I can see things with the clarity that RD saw them.
My heart aches for you Luciano. Sending you so much love and support. I am glad some of these teachings are helping you to find clarity and maybe, eventually, some peace.
Today, I spoke with a friend who lost a young family member. The only true direction I could guide her to was “Fierce Grace” and this beloved letter by Ram Dass. They are the wrappings so desperately needed when we fall to our knees.
May the merit of our sole connection to one another’s pain help heal us all.
With Love
Shali
Does anyone know which podcast episode RD reads this in? I have been looking but can’t seem to find it. I know I’ve heard him read it aloud somewhere. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
He refers to it (briefly) in Episode 32, Battle Between Mind and Heart.
RD reads the letter at 50:43 in this YouTube: https://youtu.be/oKSNhUDbmpE
I first heard this letter read by Dr. Wayne Dyer in the early 2000s. It moved me then and I have shared it with many people over the years. A few days ago, I tragically lost a family member and I have felt sadness and mourning like I haven’t ever felt before. This letter has brought me closer to peace, knowing I don’t have to understand, but that Bruno was needed elsewhere and I can send him my love and thank him for all the wonder he brought into my life.
Thank you for sharing this most beautiful letter with us, with me. Some are gifted with words that bring peace to our hearts and our souls when peace seems impossible.
Time seems to soften the pain of loss and yet it seems to me feeling the pain helps me to feel the love because both are so real. I am so sorry for your loss son, and for the loss your friend’s family is experiencing. Thank goodness morning will eventually come, following the night.
I love you most precious son, your Mom
My beautiful son Gabe passed away last May 6th at the age of nineteen. So many people reach out with love and each one blesses me in their own way. Some have lost a child of their own and they know that right words are scarce but they love me in other ways; from a place only they are familiar with. Some rightly express that they have no words and that is true and it is okay. Their love lands squarely. Others tell me that it is time to move on, that Gabe wants me to be happy, etc. I find moving on to be unimaginable and even betrayal to the boy I raised. I try to not be angry as I question how they can envision such a stance but they simply do not know and cannot relate. That too is okay. I so appreciate this RD letter. As I focus on appreciation and gratitude, my heart grows and I trust that the grieving is divinely orchestrated – I don’t have to guide it. Thank you and in your deep love, please include me, also. – TJ
Thank you Ram Dass for your service in this life. Thank you for being such a light to the world , to all of us that trough the roads of life , we get lost and isolated.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful letter … and much love to the souls that are reading it.
May God bless you all
Happy birthday in eternity, my dearest Baba, you have changed my life in multiple ways. But for this letter, I have no words. You lead me to my heart, everytime.
You have showed me the way to remember that we all exist in the same place, at the same time.
Compassion flows, acceptance arises and forgiveness embrace my body. I’m safe in the eternal space of my heart.
I see the sun in your blue eyes, and I suddenly see the sun within myself.
Te amo baba.
Gracias,
Ailu.