Burden of Doubt


I was carrying a burden of doubt when I returned to India to see Maharaj-ji in 1970.  In America there was a boy who had been my student who had died.  He was a deeply spiritual kid whose father was a foreign scientist.  The family was well off and had a home in New Hampshire and lived in Arizona.  The boy lived in New York but had gone to do sadhana in a cave on their place in Arizona.  Later I heard from his mother that he had died.

The mother said, “My son has achieved mahasamadhi (final merging).”  She showed me the diary that he had kept.  He wrote that he was taking samadhi, that she should not worry and that he would be watching over her.  She asked me, “Is everything he said true?”  I said, “Well I don’t know, but I’m going back to India in the fall to see my guru, and he will certainly know.”  I had my doubts.  No student of mine had gained mahasamadhi, and I said to myself that it must be drugs. Later I learned he had indeed taken LSD.  There had been blood on the walls of the cave and I assumed he had done prānayāma (yogic breath control) while on LSD and he overdid it.

One day we were all showing our photos to Maharaj-ji, passport pictures and pictures from our wallets.  I remembered I had this boy’s photo and went to get it.   It was his high school graduation picture. It didn’t look much like how I remembered him.  But I put his picture next to Maharaj-ji, who said, “He left his body.”  Then he proceeded to quote from the boy’s diary, “Tell Ram Dass I have finished my work. I will be watching over you, Mother …” and he give me all the information from the diary.  Maharaj-ji said, “He’s one with Christ.  He has finished his work. He’s watching over his mother.”

Then he said, “Your medicines weren’t the cause of his death.”  That had been weighing on my mind.  I wrote to the mother and told her what Maharaj-ji said.  This is just one instance of how Maharaj-ji worked with the subtleties of our lives beyond the appearances to confirm our faith, including our drug karma.

– Ram Dass from Be Love Now

12 thoughts on “Burden of Doubt”

  1. This a tough one for my western mind to wrap around. I cannot explain to others why I don’t believe in ghosts or most paranormal activity as we see it in America, but I KNOW THIS IS TRUE. I have been so blessed by the light that flows from maharaj-ji to ram dass to me. I may never be able to have my physical being be close to either one but both are always with me. Thank you! Thank you for the peace, the kind words, and for guiding me down the path.

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  2. I was deeply impacted by you and Tim and the whole psychedelic era. I was truly awe struck by it all. I had a deep encounter with Christ on a trip in 74 and experienced being baptized in The Fire of His Everlasting Compassion.
    I have not used any psychedelics or other drugs/alcohol since that time and just trust in “The Rivers of Living Spiritual Water” that Yeshua said would continually flow from our innermost beings. (Speaking of the Spirit)
    These days LSD is Love Serenity and Divinity. Ecstasy is His Mindblowing Presence in manifestation, its all Godspeed.
    Thank you for your life, I love you and Tim a lot.—Paul

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  3. I have communicated with spirit since I was a young girl. This has given me great peace in the midst of great turmoil. What I have learned I offer to others. Ram Dass you have meant a great deal to me and I appreciate it. Last week I shared Amazing Grace DVD with others to show them who you are and the giving of yourself that you do. I wanted to share you with others in hopes that this may assist them, as well. I also raised my six children to be open to spirit communication and their own intuition. Now I see this in my grandchildren as well. Thank you.

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